April 8/12

Good Evening to All,
   A very good evening to all today. What a wonderful and special day that this is to all Christian believers as this is the day that the Lord defeated the devil with two sticks. I was lucky enough to spend and share this day with my family today and did not have to go out anywhere on a service call. We got to have a nice breakfast together, the kids and I spent a little time working in the garage with me fixing a few things. Got to have a nice nap and a great supper. Kids are in the tub now and Krystle is going through all of her scentsy stuff. Avon and Scentsy, next thing you know, she is going to want to pimp me out for home repairs or cutting people's lawns or something! lol Anyhows...how are you all doing? I trust that you had a wonderful day with your family or your friends.
   What a flippity flappity roller coaster week or last two weeks life has been for me. So many ups and downs, unbelievable. For starters, we put an offer in on the house that we really liked in Penhold and...they accepted our offer. We are just waiting for all of our mortgage stuff to go through and the inspection to be completed. If all is good and completed properly, we will be taking possession on May 25th. Krystle and the kids are pretty jacked up. Of course, I am as well. Been super busy with work still, which is really great to be working this late in the season and to not really have any sort of Spring Break-Up. Although quite a few of my rigs have definately shut down or at least slowed down, but hey...I am still busy enough and on call.
   We have also been busy with family stuff, friends stuff and the everyday trials of life. And on the other good positive note, my Vancouver Canucks made it to the playoffs, won the President's Trophy and begin their quest for Lord Stanley on Wednesday. Watching the final game of the season was an emotional roller coaster last night as well. So this evening, I wanted to tell you about the anxiety attack that I had last night. One of the things of having this anxiety disorder is that when life is a roller coaster ride, you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that an anxiety attack is going to come  any time and anywhere. Where and when is unpredictable. But I always know that one is on its way at some point. Last night was that for me. And it really carried over into this morning as well.
   Last night I was playing a game on the computer around midnight and winding down from watching the hockey game. Shortly after midnight, I started to feel stomach ill and generally not well. I could feel and tell that I was in need of using the washroom. But prior to me getting to the washroom, my heart started to pound a little bit faster, my palms started to get a little moist as my hands started to shake and I was feeling a little bit dizzy and faint. I managed to get myself up to the washroom and entertain myself while using said facilities. The whole time I did my crossword to occupy my mind, my hands were trembling. I don't know if I have mentioned it before, but one of my symptoms of the anxiety is a severely upset stomach. I will let you draw your own conclusions.
   Once my stomach calmed down, I removed myself from the washroom and headed to bed. Krystle was already sleeping so I did not have her to talk to and tell her about what was going on. My anxiety did not end there as I also started to have some chest pains. Was it gaseous or just from the anxiety? I have no idea, but I started to lose control of my mind as I invisioned a heart attack was coming on. I started to do some relaxation breathing and tensing of the muscles to help alleviate the tension. Finally, I started to relax and eventually went to sleep. But I was definitely not feeling well and still was dealing with the after effects. I am also always very drained after having said attacks.
   After I woke up this morning and had some breakfast with the family, I started to feel a little bit off again. I was feeling out of sorts. Some of it was aimed at the fact that we did not go to church this morning on one of the most important Sundays of the year. But I had a few really long 24hr days this last week that really screwed my sleeping schedule up. So I was kind of catching up with that and then of course, having the anxiety attack last night did not help out at all. I was also feeling kind of useless this morning and I wanted to feel like I had accomplished something. I did head out to the garage as I mentioned and fixed a few things for my wife and one thing for my Mom. So that brought a bit of closure for me in that regard.
   I used some of the tools in my toolbox today and changed some of my thinking around and eventually got over the anxiety. It took me awhile but I did it. I was also able to figure out the biggest factor contributing to my anxiety and that is that I am still concerned with my weight. I hate feeling fat or over-weight or pudgy or whatever you want to call it. I am really tired of struggling with my weight and not seeing any gains. Now being a few pounds over weight is not THAT big of a deal, but it is HUGE when you have an anxiety disorder. Your mind is allowed to go to bad places that put you in a bad frame of mind. You are picturing your family all alone without you, or being in the hospital or recovering from a stroke etc. Terrible places to be for an anxiety disorder.
   But I am feeling better this evening. I also helped out a little bit with our family friend who just had a loss. I reached out to her and gave her a few suggestions as to how to combat any stresses or to find someone to talk to. She has probably already had a few people give her some suggestions and where to reach out to, but it helped me to feel better. Please don't get me wrong, I didn't try to help her out to make myself feel better. I didn't try to help her out for any selfish reasons, I did it for her and her son. But, in doing that it helped to make me feel a little better for myself. So I guess that it was good that I reached out to her. Where do I go from here now?
   Well, tomorrow or Tuesday we will find out about the nuances of our mortgage and whether or not they are going to give us one. Krystle and I both feel confident in this and our credit is in excellent shape, but don't count your chickens before they hatch right? Work is winding down somewhat so that helps me to alleviate some of the anxiety. Family things are family things and always will be. Not a whole bunch that you can do about that. That leaves the weight thing. I need to kick this things ass. I am going to check out a few different diets this week and see what kind of dough a guy needs for these diets. I know that some of you are going to reply to me that diets are hard to come off of because you can easily gain back your weight. But for those of you who know me well, you know that I maintain my weight pretty well. Have you seen me lately?? lol Well, I don't know how to end this for this evening, so I am just going to end it right now. Have yourselves an excellent evening and be well. Take care and love your families!