March 12/12

Hello All,
   Ah, Mondays. What an exciting day. Not even close. Anyways...how is everyone doing this evening? I am well. So, today I had two rigs to go and look after that needed some servicing. I had a trainee back with me again, so that made short work of the service's. But I had some decent driving time today and of course, plenty of time to think. I finished reading that new Anxiety book that I recently purchased, last night before shutting it down. One of the last chapters that was in the book was on Nutrition, Exercise and Herbs. Now as far as the herbs go, I told you that it has been 11 years since I partook in any such thing. Oh. What? Oooohhhhhh, not that kind of herb. Okay, stupid joke, but I couldn't stop myself.
  Okay, in all seriousness, I need to change my diet and exercise routines around. I need to kick start my butt into getting into a little better shape. Lets face it, I am a 39 year old man who has a pretty broken down body. A spring chicken I am not. So not only for my mental well being should I be doing these things, but also for my heart, my lungs, my muscles, joints and bones. And obviously, I should be doing this for my kids and my wife. But how do you start this? How do you flip the so called switch and change things around? Again, obviously it isn't easy! It takes work and commitment. It takes some intestinal fortitude to complete this challenge. So what is my biggest challenge then in getting started?
   Well, I will tell you. A while ago when I first got started on this blog and about 10 days in or so; I told you all how I had developed some pretty strong psychosis and some symptoms of agoraphobia. I also told you how I have worked through quite a bit of it from last year but that I am still working through some things. Some are, of course, much easier than others. One of my big challenges is getting back into doing some exercise and getting that heart rate pumping. Here is where I be 100% percent honest with you...I am scared. I am scared of bringing my heartbeat up to high. As soon as my heartbeat starts climbing, so does my mind. It doesn't take much for me to feel like I am losing control when that happens. Last year, I really wanted to go out and play hockey with my church. REALLY wanted to. This was when things were in the crapper for me big time.
   Krystle came to the rink with the kids to watch me and support me. She knew that I was really scared and anxious about going out to play because of the heart thing. She gave me a ton of encouraging words and support. So, I went to that arena crapping my pants. I got dressed into my gear, sweating bullets the whole time. I went out on the ice and did the whole warm up thing. I stretched, shot around a few pucks and got ready to play. I think that I played one shift and I felt my knee kind of twist or hyper-extend a bit. Well...that was all the excuse that I needed to get off of that ice. I couldn't do it, I totally got panicky. The next time that I really wanted to go out, my best friend Doug came out with me. I ended up playing the whole game. Now, it wasn't smooth sailing all throughout that game, but having him on the bench right there with me, really made my night a lot easier. I sweated like a pig and I played my guts out. Guess what? I had fun. Didn't score any goals or get any assists, but I was never a points guy anyways. I liked to hit. Of course, you cannot do that in church hockey. What a dumb rule! lol
   Anyways, the point of all of this, is that I am scared now to get my heartbeat racing. I have a really hard time wrapping my brain around the fact that this is GOOD for me, not bad. But, the good thing in all of this, was something that I read in that book last night. It says to take baby steps in getting back into an exercise routine. Huh. Take baby steps eh? You mean something that I have been doing all along and I can apply this to other areas of my life when dealing with my mental illness? Well, who would've thought that! Obviously not me. So what I want to leave you with tonight, is this. Whether or not you have any sort of illness or not; when faced with a challenge in life that requires you to put your "heart" into it, take baby steps.
   I realize that not everything works this way in life and that you may not have the time to be able to work your way up from baby steps, but not everything is a race. Not everything has a deadline. I have started small again. Two nights in a row now, we have taken our 4 kids for a walk (Guess, Chula, Liliana and Gabriel-the 4 kids) for about 20 minutes or so. Nothing to straining, no high speed walking. Just a walk. Let the kids jump around in the puddles and let the furry ones sniff other dog pee and poop. I hope that by next week sometime, we will be walking a little longer or a little quicker. And if we are not? Well, I will just keep doing what I am doing for now until I am ready for more challenges. You too can challenge yourself in this way. Take some smaller steps first and work your way up to the big stuff.
   Hopefully, the next time that some of your see me, I will have lost a little bit of weight. But I am trying to make myself better for my health, my wife, my kids, my family and my friends. Are you willing to try to make a change for yourself that is going to improve your life? I know that I am.
Shawn