March 6/12

Good Morning to All,
   Thanks to some of you for questioning where I was and not blogging the last few days/weeks/months/years. I appreciate all of your thoughts and prayers. Everything has been fine for me on this end, I was working like a dirty bugger all of the last 10 days and now have been on 3 days off since Sunday. Just a couple of days off to refresh my mind and regroup my thoughts. So no, I wasn't neglecting myself or this blog, just enjoying a little down time. How is everyone doing? I am pretty good. We got a huge dump of snow here in Red Deer that hampered things a little bit for us. I won some tickets off of the radio to go down to Calgary and see The Trews, but since the RC's closed most of the highways down in certain areas and because it would've been just plain stupid to be out on the roads, we didn't go. Oh well. A little disappointing I know, but there will be other times.
   Which leads me into this morning's blog. As you all know, we have been house hunting quite a bit in the last while. It has been a slight source of anxiety for me. It's just really frustrating in some regards and quite unsatisfying in others. We have yet to find a home that needs a bit of work, is decent and is priced right. So that has definetely caused some added tension to my mind. I think that that is pretty normal and that it kind of goes with what most of you would probably say about it as well. So add to that, we were going to go down to Calgary to The Trews concert. It was going to be at a smaller venue, so that would have been fine. But for some strange reason, I was antsy and anxious about it somewhat. Hmm, kind of weird if you ask me.
   Was it going to be a change of scenery for me? Perhaps leaving our kids behind at our friends' house? Maybe it was the thoughts of being away from my safe place? Regardless of what it is or was, I found it quite funny that this was bothering me. Of course, it wasn't ha-ha funny, just weird, bizarre and different. I was going to be at the concert with Krystle. Was it all the people that were going to be there? Was it the temperature that might be in there? Again...I don't know what was making me feel anxious about it. Now, don't get me wrong; I did really want to go. Krystle and I love The Trews. Heck, the kids love The Trews. I was looking forward to going, but I did feel some anxiety over this. I never did tell Krystle this, but I'm 99.9% sure that she would have heard about it on our way down to Calgary last night. I know she would have heard about it.
   So what am I getting at today? I think that it is quite simple. Again, no matter if you have a mental illness or not; sometimes in life we are unable to pinpoint what is bothering us. Could it be house hunting? Yep. How about our kids doing poorly in school? Yep. (Mine are not by the way, just an example.) How about that fight we had with our spouse? Yep. It doesn't take much to throw our "balance" out of whack. It takes a lot to reel it back in, but not a lot to throw it out. So even though I am sitting here writing this for myself, for you; I cannot tell you what threw my balance out. I cannot tell you what brought about those feelings. The point this morning is to RECOGNIZE them at the very least. Talk to someone. You don't need to have an illness to talk to your friend or spouse or family member.
   As long as you are recognizing that something doesn't feel quite right, or as I like to put it "I'm feeling a little off today", I think that you are ahead of the game in realizing that you are just a human being and that life can get very busy or full for us at certain times of our lives. Talking to someone about feeling the way that you do is not a sign of weakness. On the contrary, I feel that you are very strong. You are taking the time to acknowledge that you are not feeling like your regular old self. Before something stupid really sets you off and you blow up at your kids or start a huge fight with your spouse, you are recognizing that you need to take 5 minutes for yourself. Now, in all honesty here, I did recognize that something was wrong or different feeling, but I did nothing about it. My situation is somewhat different from yours. I am not preaching and then not practicing; but for me, I approach my situations differently. I have to. My anxiety does not cause fights or discord in my family; they do however, cause discord for me and me alone.
   I didn't act on my feelings last night as we did not even have a chance to consider going to the concert. I would have talked to Krystle and told her how I was feeling. But for me? Firstly, I have to try to find the route of the problem or "anxiety". I have to "backtrack" and figure out what has gotten me from point A to point B right now. That doesn't mean that you cannot do this either, I'm just telling you how it works for me. Then and only then, am I able to tell Krystle what is wrong and why I think that it is. That is when she gives me her love and support. Have a great day.
Shawn