Feb.28/12

Evening...
   Well here we are at the end of February all ready. Wow, the time is flying by. Sorry that I have not been around lately, I have been super busy with work and putting in some long hours. Haven't exactly been in the mood to sit down in front of the computer and type out a blog. Plus, we have been pretty busy house hunting. The frustration of searching for a home, trapsing through one house after another, looking at what some people consider a home to sell is really hard on the mental levels. I have not been feeling overly anxious about this. I think I mentioned in an earlier blog that I am not at all anxious about buying or moving into a new house. But, I really find that my emotions get out of whack doing all of this.
   It is easy enough to spiral down into anger or depression or just plain old frustration certain times in life. I find that in the last 6 years, at certain times, I am way more exposed to anger and frustration with my anxiety disorder. Of course, this makes all the sense in the world. Tonight I am not telling you or giving you a coping strategy with how I deal with this. I am a lot more relaxed as I get older and don't stay too angry for long. So as for what I do to relieve this pressure? Well, nothing. I know that I just need 5 or 10 minutes to cool down or relax and my mood changes. That's me though. You might be a little bit more of an angry person or hold on to that anger a little longer than you should.
   Therapists and "professionals" say that you should take 5 minutes to yourself and lock yourself away in a room to chill out. You can take some deep breathes and slowly count backwards from say 1 million. Alright, 50 would probably do. Of course these are just a few little ideas to help you out. As I said, I don't stay angry for too long and it seems to subside with me. I'm not even really that angry; but I can feel that I am not right. I feel that one more little thing will blow my top off. Sometimes, I think that people think that I am a grouch because of this. I tend to lock away inside of myself and just feel angry, frustrated, bummed out, down...whatever you want to call it.
   I have really found this whole house hunting thing quite "bummer-ific" sometimes. This house has potential or that one has a great yard. The pictures of it look great or it has what we are looking for. Then you go and see it and it is a total let down. Is this going to be the house that we want? Nope, not this one, again. I know that it will happen and when it does, we will know it. Just very frustrating and somewhat discouraging. So how is this all affecting me? Well, as I said at the top, I have been very busy at work and am looking after a trainee as well. So I don't really have the time to think to much about it. I also had my in-laws down here for a few days as well, so I didn't really think about it then either.
   I have basically left it in God's hands and asked him to show us the house that he wants us to be in. I have a whole lot of other things going on in my life that I don't need the fret and worry of looking for a house to aid in bringing me down as well. I think that whatever your "higher power" (to quote AA, NA and mental classes) is, you need to trust in him or her to guide you on your path. I think that you need to put your thoughts and beliefs in your God and trust that he will lead you to where he wants you to be, not where you want to be. I also think that if none of this works, buy yourself a really nice big U-Haul box and find an alley to squat in. That's what we're gonna do!!!