Jan.25/12

Good Evening All,
      I guess depending on your time zone and where you are in the world might not work out with the whole Good Evening thing eh? So here we are onto day 2 of my blog. I've had some friends and family read my first days work and so far, they all hated it. Just kidding, they have all encouraged me to write more. I guess the question is, where do we go from yesterday's writing? Well, I think that we should just delve into the heart of the matter. For those of you who know me and know my story, you might want to skip a paragraph or two here. Anyways, how does one even get an anxiety disorder or depression or "become" bi-polar? I can't answer to all of those, just myself. I can tell you that a lot of it is hereditary in some form of nature.
     For me, I have a bit of the hereditary gene for starters. My mom has told me that from time to time she has had some issues with anxiety. With her teaching First Aid, or going somewhere alone; she can feel her heart rate rising, her palms getting sweaty, maybe feeling a little light headed. For most of us, we all have some form of anxiety. Jerry Seinfeld says that most people would rather be in the casket than giving the eulogy. It's not my Mom or my Dad's fault that I have their genes. Its in all of us. I want you to understand that. Some people's parents are not afraid of heights where their kid is. My Dad is not afraid of needles, but I cry like a girl. Well, maybe not a girl... As things in life go, genes, traits, physical traits and personality are some of the things passed down to us from our parents. As well as potential for heart disease, cancer, diabetes etc. We all of some form of these traits in our bodies from our parents, how much they effect us or big or small they are in our bodies is, well, up to our own bodies.
     Me?? I had a "batch" of anxiety in my brain somewhere up there. The door was closed on that room for almost 33 years. So how did the door get opened? For me, I have had eight major concussions in 33 years. I also did a lot of drugs for about a 6 or 7 year period which did not in any way, shape or form help out. And yes, you read correctly; eight MAJOR concussions. Kinda funny that the NHL and NFL are having all these problems with concussions and people are finally beginning to explore the human brain more in depth. Wow...all these years and we had a limited idea that brain injuries could cause suicidal thoughts, anxiety, depression and trauma in some form.
     So how did I get so lucky to have this many concussions? Well, my first one was when I was hit in the head with a baseball bat at the age of 7 or 8. Knocked out cold I was! Second one came while playing hockey at the age of 13. Third one was at the age of 15 when I was playing football in Grade 10 for Melfort and also got partially paralyzed for 3 months. Fourth one was at the age of 16, playing in a ball tournament at Lake Charron; took a line drive to the forehead. Fifth one was at about 19 when I was travelling in a vehicle that I shouldn't have been. Drunk and still drinking, we hit the ditch and I got smoked with a full bottle of beer across the side of my head. Sixth one, I was about 21 or so. Maybe even 20. Got knocked out COLD again on a rig. Labelled by a 2x4 across the jaw. Fractured my jaw with a hairline fracture in my cheek bone. That one REALLY hurt. Seventh one, was about at 23. Playing hockey again, got hit the wrong way and dislocated my jaw this time. And lastly, number eight was on a rig again at around 27 or 28. I got hit by a chain across the side of my head.
      There you have it. Eight of these bad boys. As I mentioned earlier, I was also pretty heavy into the drug scene as well. Soooooooo, that didn't help out AT ALL! I'd like to mention that I have been drug free for 11 years now. Something I am VERY proud of. Anyways, now the door had been opened. I did experience 2 anxiety attacks during my drug use that I will always be happy to have had. They are what caused me to quit doing drugs. Up until that point, I had NEVER experienced any sort of a panic attack. I quit doing drugs and thought that everything was going to be cool. At least mentally anyways...So, what was it that opened that door up all of the way? What "caused" all of this? Well, I'll tell you...I'll tell you tomorrow.
      Have a great night and be well.