Evening All...
Well, its been a few weeks since I was last on here and it seems like it was just yesterday. I have had a busy few weeks. Between my Grandma passing away, work, friends and friends in need, my family and school starting up, where has the month gone? I have a few things beside the passing that have tested my mettle over the last little bit, but haven't taken any Ativan for anything. Yeah, me! So where should I start? Well, the funeral went off without a hitch for me. There was still alot of crap that went on there without really going on. Let's just say that some family members were left out of a few things and it left a bad taste in my mouth, but we made it. I was pretty anxious about driving down there and seeing people that I hadn't seen for awhile especially after my family history, but as I said, it went without a hitch for me. I was really mostly anxious that I was going to get angry with someone and the beast was going to be out of the cage.
I have gotten to throw in a little bit of fishing while working, so that has been nice. I have been going and trying out waterholes here and there while I have been to this area or that one. But my anxiety has popped up a bit during those times too. I have felt alone or anxious about being somewhere new, but once getting into the swing of things, I have calmed down fairly quickly. So that too has been good for me. Today was a real new one for me that I experienced. I borrowed Doug's canoe from him so that I could actually get out on some water and fish as opposed to fishing from the banks all the time. I had Gabriel with me today to go fishing with and this was going to be only his second or third time out on the water. I was a little bit anxious about it and wasn't sure how it was going to all play out.
When we got to the lake, there was a little bit of wind coming across that was making some waves. Needless to say, G-man wasn't having any of that. I canoed us out about 100ft from shore or so when he said that he didn't want to be out there and could we go back in and go home. We didn't end up going home but stayed and fished from the dock. Not quite what I wanted to do, but at least I was fishing. Anyways, as I said, I was anxious about going out and doing something new. It struck me as we were driving there that I have never been the "captain" of a boat; let alone one with my child in it with me. I think that somewhere inside I was anxious for him I guess. I'm not sure. But the anxiety didn't last long and left fairly quickly again.
We have also had a few additions to our family over the weekend. A family friend of ours and her kids are here. They are going to be possibly moving back to Red Deer and needed to get out of their city for a day or two. As I have said before on here, it is not my place to tell someone's story or gossip here. I will not tell all the juicy details, just enough to let you figure it out. In this case, I don't have too. Why would someone leave their house with their belongings to get a new start somewhere? Hhhhmmm, I wonder. Anyways, we have been helping them out and it has created some anxiety on a real small level. Again, as I have said before, when your schedule or life or plans change on you, especially for someone with a mental illness, it is very easy to feel that a wrench was thrown in to the mix. It creates some confusion in the mind. I wouldn't have it any other way though as they need our help and are going to get it.
So in a sense, it is really good that they are here, because it is challenging me to accept the things that cannot change or create clamour in my mind. And so far, so good. I guess the main thing that I am getting at tonight is to keep on keeping on. Keep challenging yourself and perservering though whatever is creating an obstacle for you. Find a way to get around it and move on. Deal with what you can when you can. Take all of those little steps that you need to get to the bigger issue. Don't focus on every task at hand, pick one, tackle it and move on to the next step.
Sometimes I feel like a broken record on here. I tell you all the same things over and over again. But these things are what we forget all the time. An issue comes up and all of a sudden we are questioning how we are going to get through it. It doesn't matter whether you are a writer, a banker, an athlete, a fireman or have a mental disease. We will have challenges to face. Some will be more difficult than others and some, you will not even bat an eye at. But they are out there. Are you going to face them or run away? Make a decision and stick with it. It might be the wrong decision, but it is a step in the right direction.
Again, I apologize to you for not being on here on a regular basis. I try my best and that is all I am going to ask of myself. If you would like more, please don't hesitate to order my cd's online. hahahahaha, just kidding. Anyways, have a great night, good sleep and a great day tomorrow. Take your baby steps!!!
Sunday 30 September 2012
Sunday 9 September 2012
Sept.9/12
Good Morning,
How is everyone doing this morning? For those of you who follow my blog, you are probably surprised to see a new post so quickly after my last one. Well, I always try to blog here when something goes down that I can share with you, Joe Public. If you're a lady, then you are Joelene Public. lol. Anyways, as some of you might have seen via my Facebook status updates, I did have something go down that I felt was worth blogging about. My Grandma Metcalfe just passed away on Friday evening around 8:30pm. Something that I have been writing about and talking about for a few months here has finally taken place. Someone that I know has passed away since I developed this anxiety disorder. So how am I feeling about this??
Well, I must admit that I have some mixed emotions about it. I am saddened of course that this happened, but I am also a little indifferent about it as well. To give you a little backround on this situation, I have to go back before I was even a thought in my Dad's mind. My Dad grew up in a terrible home with a father who did not treat him well in ANY way. When my Dad was old enough to get out of the house, he left. About 5 years later, he met my Mom and a few years after that, I came around. My Dad never had any sort of good relationship with his Dad/my Grandpa and for that matter, never a very good relationship with his Mother and Sisters.
This has or had continued all these years and is still going on today. Some members of my Dad's side of the family have always had disdain or anger or hatred or whatever towards my family, including my Mom, my sister and me. We don't really associate with them and they with us. So needless to say, this has affected my relationship with that side of my family also as I am and will always be loyal to my Mom and Dad. I will always take their side and stand up for them. Don't get me wrong, I am not sitting here typing without blame or innocence. I am not saying that I or we have never done anything wrong. We could have been the bigger person MANY times and picked up the phone, etc. But neither have they.
So the point of telling you all that, is to explain my sadness and my indifference to this situation. Do I regret not getting to spend a lot of time with my Grandma? Of course I do. Do I miss our conversations about CFL and NFL football? Of course I do. Do I regret not getting to tease my Grandma about different things? Of course. There are many things that I will miss about her. Even though I did not spend a whole lot time around her in the last 3 or 4 years, I still loved her very much. If you read my blogs here or know me, you should know that I am a very compassionate person with a lot of love in my heart. I may not necessarily like the way that someone treats me or the way that they treat someone close to me, but I still love them.
There are family members in my life on my side and Krystle's side that I definately do not like right now, but if they called in the middle of the night with a problem, that would be put aside and I would get my ass in gear to help them out. Why? Because I still love them and that is just who I am. So I must admit that I have had some issues liking my Grandma for the last few years, but I still really loved her. She taught me a few really cool things. We talked about music, football, hockey and sports in general. She had terrible knees and a broken down body as I do, that we had in common. And she was still my Grandma. I know that she loved me and that she was a great lady to me. I was not around when all the things went down with my Dad, so it really has nothing to do with me. She was always good to me.
I think that my indifference to the whole thing is that we weren't or haven't been that close for the last few years. It is actually quite easy to not feel a TON of pain right now. I have laid awake the last few nights thinking about this and that. Could I have done things differently or could I have been the bigger person many a day and just went with it? Should I have done that? Maybe, maybe not. Because I am only 39 or have a belly or work with the rigs, should I not deserve some respect also? Should we always have to like people whether or not they give us the respect that we deserve? Krystle's Opa gives me the utmost respect and I give it right back to him. Just because you are older than me, does not mean that I do not deserve your respect, right? Even if you think that I am wrong on that one, I don't care because it is how I feel and my opinion.
And I guess that this is where the topsy turvy feelings come into play over this. I DO have some regrets and I DO wish that things had been different. But it is not ALL on my shoulders. It should be equally split. The crappy thing is that I am still alive and having to deal with these feeling and thoughts, she is not. So where do I stand on this? Well, I think the bottom line is that I have lost someone that was in my life. They may not have been as close to me as say Doug or my cousin, Chantel. But they were still in my life and I was still "associated" with them. She was the matriarch of this family whether or not you had a relationship with her or liked her. And she was still my Grandma. See that's the funny thing about life. We might hate our parents or our sibling. We might hate our cousins, aunts or uncles or grandparents. But, guess what? They are still and will always be your family. You can change your name, get a facelift, move to Timbuktu and denounce everything that you know; those people will still be your family. They still bore you, raised you, played with you, watched over you, prayed with you, blessed you, took you to school, took you to sports practices and wiped your butt...that will never change.
My heart is tore up a little bit. I will be attending the funeral with or without any other family members from my immediate clan. I will be walking in there with my head held high and my heart in the right place. I will be respectful and not try to start anything (please believe me that there is a TON more to this story that I am not sharing here). I will be there to represent my family if no one will. And I will miss my Grandma. Weird eh? You don't spend a lot of time with someone in the last while and when they're gone, they're gone. I have two songs playing over and over in my mind since learning that she passed away and both are from two totally different spectrum's of music. One line is from an old 80's hair band, Cinderella. That line is "Don't know what ya got, till its gone". The other is from Garth Brooks, who I hope needs no introduction. That line is "if tomorrow never comes".
I don't think I really need to explain or digress any more on either of those lines; they should both be pretty self explanitory. Anyways, this blogging thing is always some "therapy" for me and I wanted to use this medium to get a few things off of my chest that I was and am feeling. I don't think that my feelings are going to go away any time soon. I don't think that tomorrow morning I am going to wake up and everything will be better. I will continue to question myself as to whether I did the right thing in regards to my relationship with my Grandma. I will continue to question myself as whether or not I did the wrong thing in regards to my relationship with my Grandma. Will those questions ever be answered? I'm sure that eventually I will come to some sort of peace over this. I am sure that eventually I will not feel any remorse or regret over the way some things were handled. I am sure that in time, there will only be really good memories and no painful ones.
I also feel that with this being "new" to me with the anxiety disorder, it too shall pass in time. One of the really funny things about having this anxiety disorder, is that I get to question anything and everything. Analyzing it over and over, questioning everything and asking all the what if questions. So where do I go from here? How do I even end this blog today? To both of those questions I can honestly say that, I have no idea. This is new territory that I am in. I think that in a bit of time, these questions will answer themselves. Until then, I just have to deal with this and move on with life.
How is everyone doing this morning? For those of you who follow my blog, you are probably surprised to see a new post so quickly after my last one. Well, I always try to blog here when something goes down that I can share with you, Joe Public. If you're a lady, then you are Joelene Public. lol. Anyways, as some of you might have seen via my Facebook status updates, I did have something go down that I felt was worth blogging about. My Grandma Metcalfe just passed away on Friday evening around 8:30pm. Something that I have been writing about and talking about for a few months here has finally taken place. Someone that I know has passed away since I developed this anxiety disorder. So how am I feeling about this??
Well, I must admit that I have some mixed emotions about it. I am saddened of course that this happened, but I am also a little indifferent about it as well. To give you a little backround on this situation, I have to go back before I was even a thought in my Dad's mind. My Dad grew up in a terrible home with a father who did not treat him well in ANY way. When my Dad was old enough to get out of the house, he left. About 5 years later, he met my Mom and a few years after that, I came around. My Dad never had any sort of good relationship with his Dad/my Grandpa and for that matter, never a very good relationship with his Mother and Sisters.
This has or had continued all these years and is still going on today. Some members of my Dad's side of the family have always had disdain or anger or hatred or whatever towards my family, including my Mom, my sister and me. We don't really associate with them and they with us. So needless to say, this has affected my relationship with that side of my family also as I am and will always be loyal to my Mom and Dad. I will always take their side and stand up for them. Don't get me wrong, I am not sitting here typing without blame or innocence. I am not saying that I or we have never done anything wrong. We could have been the bigger person MANY times and picked up the phone, etc. But neither have they.
So the point of telling you all that, is to explain my sadness and my indifference to this situation. Do I regret not getting to spend a lot of time with my Grandma? Of course I do. Do I miss our conversations about CFL and NFL football? Of course I do. Do I regret not getting to tease my Grandma about different things? Of course. There are many things that I will miss about her. Even though I did not spend a whole lot time around her in the last 3 or 4 years, I still loved her very much. If you read my blogs here or know me, you should know that I am a very compassionate person with a lot of love in my heart. I may not necessarily like the way that someone treats me or the way that they treat someone close to me, but I still love them.
There are family members in my life on my side and Krystle's side that I definately do not like right now, but if they called in the middle of the night with a problem, that would be put aside and I would get my ass in gear to help them out. Why? Because I still love them and that is just who I am. So I must admit that I have had some issues liking my Grandma for the last few years, but I still really loved her. She taught me a few really cool things. We talked about music, football, hockey and sports in general. She had terrible knees and a broken down body as I do, that we had in common. And she was still my Grandma. I know that she loved me and that she was a great lady to me. I was not around when all the things went down with my Dad, so it really has nothing to do with me. She was always good to me.
I think that my indifference to the whole thing is that we weren't or haven't been that close for the last few years. It is actually quite easy to not feel a TON of pain right now. I have laid awake the last few nights thinking about this and that. Could I have done things differently or could I have been the bigger person many a day and just went with it? Should I have done that? Maybe, maybe not. Because I am only 39 or have a belly or work with the rigs, should I not deserve some respect also? Should we always have to like people whether or not they give us the respect that we deserve? Krystle's Opa gives me the utmost respect and I give it right back to him. Just because you are older than me, does not mean that I do not deserve your respect, right? Even if you think that I am wrong on that one, I don't care because it is how I feel and my opinion.
And I guess that this is where the topsy turvy feelings come into play over this. I DO have some regrets and I DO wish that things had been different. But it is not ALL on my shoulders. It should be equally split. The crappy thing is that I am still alive and having to deal with these feeling and thoughts, she is not. So where do I stand on this? Well, I think the bottom line is that I have lost someone that was in my life. They may not have been as close to me as say Doug or my cousin, Chantel. But they were still in my life and I was still "associated" with them. She was the matriarch of this family whether or not you had a relationship with her or liked her. And she was still my Grandma. See that's the funny thing about life. We might hate our parents or our sibling. We might hate our cousins, aunts or uncles or grandparents. But, guess what? They are still and will always be your family. You can change your name, get a facelift, move to Timbuktu and denounce everything that you know; those people will still be your family. They still bore you, raised you, played with you, watched over you, prayed with you, blessed you, took you to school, took you to sports practices and wiped your butt...that will never change.
My heart is tore up a little bit. I will be attending the funeral with or without any other family members from my immediate clan. I will be walking in there with my head held high and my heart in the right place. I will be respectful and not try to start anything (please believe me that there is a TON more to this story that I am not sharing here). I will be there to represent my family if no one will. And I will miss my Grandma. Weird eh? You don't spend a lot of time with someone in the last while and when they're gone, they're gone. I have two songs playing over and over in my mind since learning that she passed away and both are from two totally different spectrum's of music. One line is from an old 80's hair band, Cinderella. That line is "Don't know what ya got, till its gone". The other is from Garth Brooks, who I hope needs no introduction. That line is "if tomorrow never comes".
I don't think I really need to explain or digress any more on either of those lines; they should both be pretty self explanitory. Anyways, this blogging thing is always some "therapy" for me and I wanted to use this medium to get a few things off of my chest that I was and am feeling. I don't think that my feelings are going to go away any time soon. I don't think that tomorrow morning I am going to wake up and everything will be better. I will continue to question myself as to whether I did the right thing in regards to my relationship with my Grandma. I will continue to question myself as whether or not I did the wrong thing in regards to my relationship with my Grandma. Will those questions ever be answered? I'm sure that eventually I will come to some sort of peace over this. I am sure that eventually I will not feel any remorse or regret over the way some things were handled. I am sure that in time, there will only be really good memories and no painful ones.
I also feel that with this being "new" to me with the anxiety disorder, it too shall pass in time. One of the really funny things about having this anxiety disorder, is that I get to question anything and everything. Analyzing it over and over, questioning everything and asking all the what if questions. So where do I go from here? How do I even end this blog today? To both of those questions I can honestly say that, I have no idea. This is new territory that I am in. I think that in a bit of time, these questions will answer themselves. Until then, I just have to deal with this and move on with life.
Wednesday 5 September 2012
September 5/12
Good Evening Friends and Family,
How are you all doing this evening? I am well. Wow! School's back in session eh? Is it just me or did that summer seem to fly by? Weather is also slowly starting to change which always reeks havoc on my mental well being which we will get into tonight. But, sad to see the leaves starting to change and feel the coolness in the air. So lets get right into it. The weather change. Every year since I have had this anxiety disorder, I get all screwed up for sure twice a year. Once in the fall before winter arrives and once in the spring before summer arrives. Here's my thinking. Summer is fading away, the days are getting shorter, the temperature is dropping. Uh-Oh, how am I going to cope with the winter? How will I deal with the shorter days and longer darkness? How will manage to survive the cold temperatures? Oh no, its going to be cold and not nice and sunny. I can't go to the lake and swim or ski. I can't enjoy a beer on my deck with my shirt off. This is NOT good.
Then, when then spring rolls around I start to ask the opposite questions. What am I going to do if it gets to hot? I'm not going to have my automatic air conditioner any more to cool me down when I am feeling anxious. There's going to be to much sun. Hockey season will be starting to wind down. How will I deal with the longer days and less darkness? WHAT??? Huh?? Does this make ANY sense at all to anyone? Me neither. But in talking to a few other friends that have a mental illness, they experience the same type of feelings which is nice to know others have my same issues. The really weird thing of this? Once the season gets rolling and I am into the heart of it, it doesn't bother me at all. As I have said before, it is a change. I truly believe that it is just a change that causes all of this.
So what can we do? Well, as I do birdhouses, find something to take up your time. I also pretend to play the bass so that helps me out as well. Going to the gym is also a really good way to burn up some calories and relieve some stress. Take some baby steps as "Bob" says. Anyways, that was on my mind yesterday and today and I wanted to address it. Now...I had a really cool breakthrough and thought in the last few days. As I was talking about taking the Ativan no matter what last week, it got me to thinking about the cuckoo bin. Show of hands. How many of us have ever thought that we would like to spend time in the nut bar bin? How many of us hoped that maybe we one day would? How many of us questioned our sanity and whether or not we would "fit" in there? Lastly, how many of us think that we would look stupid or weak or insufficient or terrible or bad or whatever?
What? No one raised their hands? Really? Wow. I thought we all wanted that. Of course, the truth is that we would never want that to happen to us, right? No one wishes that they had a mental illness or that they would get the oppurtunity to spend time in the cuckoo motel. BUT...it can or could happen right? What is the worst thing that could happen if that happened to you? Obviously, I cannot answer that question for you, I can only answer for myself. And this is where my cool breakthrough came into focus for me. No, I do not want to be in the bin. No, I do not want to feel that I was unable to beat this things ass. But, it could happen to me. And?? I'm quite fine with that. The other day when I was worried about the season change coming on, I joked to myself and said that I could spend the winter doped up on Ativan or tranquilizers and hey, look at that. A new season is here.
It got me to thinking that what if that happened to me? As far as looking after my family, well, that would be difficult. Don't get me wrong here. I love my wife and kids more that my life itself and I would lay my life down to save theirs. But I am no good to them if I cannot cope with my mental illness. How can I provide for them if I cannot provide for myself? It kind of boils down to me looking out for number one. Again, not trying to put myself ahead of Krystle and the kids, but you do have to do that in a sense with a mental illness. So I guess what I am trying to say is that I have no issues if and when the time should come that I need to be put in the looney bin. I have decided to accept the fact that that could happen to me and my family. I have decided that if I need the Ativan, I am going to take it and in that vein, if I need to be admitted, then I am going to take it.
Lastly tonight, I want to tell you about a goal I have set for myself. There is a race called the Spartan Race. It is a 5km intense obstacle course. There is barbed wire, mud, hills, walls to climb over etc., etc. The next race in Calgary is August 17th, 2013. As some of you know, I am turning 40 next year in January. I want to do this race and show myself that the "old man" still has it. So, I have enlisted the help of my best friend Doug to help me start to train for this race. Now, I have lost about 12lbs on my own here this year, but I need to lose more. I also need to bring up the cardio quite a bit. This is going to be a really good thing for me. Not only will it aid in my losing more weight, but I will be able to show myself and the world that I can do this. The biggest challenge for me is going to be doing the exercises and running. The obvious answer is that I'm overweight and of course doing exercises and running will be a challenge to begin. But that is not the answer. The real reason is that when my heart rate starts to climb, I am in a very weird state where an anxiety attack is much easier to come on as I am already jacked up and it doesn't take my mind long to follow suit.
So, I have just under a year to get myself in shape and prove myself. Not to anyone, but to me. And that allows me to challenge you tonight. Set a goal for yourself. It doesn't have to be a big one. Crossing a bridge by a certain time if bridges scare you. Climbing up to a height if heights scare you by a certain time. Hold a spider by a certain time. Either way, whatever it is, I encourage you to challenge yourself as I am doing. Take care, love your families and we will talk again soon!
Shawn
How are you all doing this evening? I am well. Wow! School's back in session eh? Is it just me or did that summer seem to fly by? Weather is also slowly starting to change which always reeks havoc on my mental well being which we will get into tonight. But, sad to see the leaves starting to change and feel the coolness in the air. So lets get right into it. The weather change. Every year since I have had this anxiety disorder, I get all screwed up for sure twice a year. Once in the fall before winter arrives and once in the spring before summer arrives. Here's my thinking. Summer is fading away, the days are getting shorter, the temperature is dropping. Uh-Oh, how am I going to cope with the winter? How will I deal with the shorter days and longer darkness? How will manage to survive the cold temperatures? Oh no, its going to be cold and not nice and sunny. I can't go to the lake and swim or ski. I can't enjoy a beer on my deck with my shirt off. This is NOT good.
Then, when then spring rolls around I start to ask the opposite questions. What am I going to do if it gets to hot? I'm not going to have my automatic air conditioner any more to cool me down when I am feeling anxious. There's going to be to much sun. Hockey season will be starting to wind down. How will I deal with the longer days and less darkness? WHAT??? Huh?? Does this make ANY sense at all to anyone? Me neither. But in talking to a few other friends that have a mental illness, they experience the same type of feelings which is nice to know others have my same issues. The really weird thing of this? Once the season gets rolling and I am into the heart of it, it doesn't bother me at all. As I have said before, it is a change. I truly believe that it is just a change that causes all of this.
So what can we do? Well, as I do birdhouses, find something to take up your time. I also pretend to play the bass so that helps me out as well. Going to the gym is also a really good way to burn up some calories and relieve some stress. Take some baby steps as "Bob" says. Anyways, that was on my mind yesterday and today and I wanted to address it. Now...I had a really cool breakthrough and thought in the last few days. As I was talking about taking the Ativan no matter what last week, it got me to thinking about the cuckoo bin. Show of hands. How many of us have ever thought that we would like to spend time in the nut bar bin? How many of us hoped that maybe we one day would? How many of us questioned our sanity and whether or not we would "fit" in there? Lastly, how many of us think that we would look stupid or weak or insufficient or terrible or bad or whatever?
What? No one raised their hands? Really? Wow. I thought we all wanted that. Of course, the truth is that we would never want that to happen to us, right? No one wishes that they had a mental illness or that they would get the oppurtunity to spend time in the cuckoo motel. BUT...it can or could happen right? What is the worst thing that could happen if that happened to you? Obviously, I cannot answer that question for you, I can only answer for myself. And this is where my cool breakthrough came into focus for me. No, I do not want to be in the bin. No, I do not want to feel that I was unable to beat this things ass. But, it could happen to me. And?? I'm quite fine with that. The other day when I was worried about the season change coming on, I joked to myself and said that I could spend the winter doped up on Ativan or tranquilizers and hey, look at that. A new season is here.
It got me to thinking that what if that happened to me? As far as looking after my family, well, that would be difficult. Don't get me wrong here. I love my wife and kids more that my life itself and I would lay my life down to save theirs. But I am no good to them if I cannot cope with my mental illness. How can I provide for them if I cannot provide for myself? It kind of boils down to me looking out for number one. Again, not trying to put myself ahead of Krystle and the kids, but you do have to do that in a sense with a mental illness. So I guess what I am trying to say is that I have no issues if and when the time should come that I need to be put in the looney bin. I have decided to accept the fact that that could happen to me and my family. I have decided that if I need the Ativan, I am going to take it and in that vein, if I need to be admitted, then I am going to take it.
Lastly tonight, I want to tell you about a goal I have set for myself. There is a race called the Spartan Race. It is a 5km intense obstacle course. There is barbed wire, mud, hills, walls to climb over etc., etc. The next race in Calgary is August 17th, 2013. As some of you know, I am turning 40 next year in January. I want to do this race and show myself that the "old man" still has it. So, I have enlisted the help of my best friend Doug to help me start to train for this race. Now, I have lost about 12lbs on my own here this year, but I need to lose more. I also need to bring up the cardio quite a bit. This is going to be a really good thing for me. Not only will it aid in my losing more weight, but I will be able to show myself and the world that I can do this. The biggest challenge for me is going to be doing the exercises and running. The obvious answer is that I'm overweight and of course doing exercises and running will be a challenge to begin. But that is not the answer. The real reason is that when my heart rate starts to climb, I am in a very weird state where an anxiety attack is much easier to come on as I am already jacked up and it doesn't take my mind long to follow suit.
So, I have just under a year to get myself in shape and prove myself. Not to anyone, but to me. And that allows me to challenge you tonight. Set a goal for yourself. It doesn't have to be a big one. Crossing a bridge by a certain time if bridges scare you. Climbing up to a height if heights scare you by a certain time. Hold a spider by a certain time. Either way, whatever it is, I encourage you to challenge yourself as I am doing. Take care, love your families and we will talk again soon!
Shawn
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