September 30/12

Evening All...
   Well, its been a few weeks since I was last on here and it seems like it was just yesterday. I have had a busy few weeks. Between my Grandma passing away, work, friends and friends in need, my family and school starting up, where has the month gone? I have a few things beside the passing that have tested my mettle over the last little bit, but haven't taken any Ativan for anything. Yeah, me! So where should I start? Well, the funeral went off without a hitch for me. There was still alot of crap that went on there without really going on. Let's just say that some family members were left out of a few things and it left a bad taste in my mouth, but we made it. I was pretty anxious about driving down there and seeing people that I hadn't seen for awhile especially after my family history, but as I said, it went without a hitch for me. I was really mostly anxious that I was going to get angry with someone and the beast was going to be out of the cage.
   I have gotten to throw in a little bit of fishing while working, so that has been nice. I have been going and trying out waterholes here and there while I have been to this area or that one. But my anxiety has popped up a bit during those times too. I have felt alone or anxious about being somewhere new, but once getting into the swing of things, I have calmed down fairly quickly. So that too has been good for me. Today was a real new one for me that I experienced. I borrowed Doug's canoe from him so that I could actually get out on some water and fish as opposed to fishing from the banks all the time. I had Gabriel with me today to go fishing with and this was going to be only his second or third time out on the water. I was a little bit anxious about it and wasn't sure how it was going to all play out.
   When we got to the lake, there was a little bit of wind coming across that was making some waves. Needless to say, G-man wasn't having any of that. I canoed us out about 100ft from shore or so when he said that he didn't want to be out there and could we go back in and go home. We didn't end up going home but stayed and fished from the dock. Not quite what I wanted to do, but at least I was fishing. Anyways, as I said, I was anxious about going out and doing something new. It struck me as we were driving there that I have never been the "captain" of a boat; let alone one with my child in it with me. I think that somewhere inside I was anxious for him I guess. I'm not sure. But the anxiety didn't last long and left fairly quickly again.
   We have also had a few additions to our family over the weekend. A family friend of ours and her kids are here. They are going to be possibly moving back to Red Deer and needed to get out of their city for a day or two. As I have said before on here, it is not my place to tell someone's story or gossip here. I will not tell all the juicy details, just enough to let you figure it out. In this case, I don't have too. Why would someone leave their house with their belongings to get a new start somewhere? Hhhhmmm, I wonder. Anyways, we have been helping them out and it has created some anxiety on a real small level. Again, as I have said before, when your schedule or life or plans change on you, especially for someone with a mental illness, it is very easy to feel that a wrench was thrown in to the mix. It creates some confusion in the mind. I wouldn't have it any other way though as they need our help and are going to get it.
   So in a sense, it is really good that they are here, because it is challenging me to accept the things that cannot change or create clamour in my mind. And so far, so good. I guess the main thing that I am getting at tonight is to keep on keeping on. Keep challenging yourself and perservering though whatever is creating an obstacle for you. Find a way to get around it and move on. Deal with what you can when you can. Take all of those little steps that you need to get to the bigger issue. Don't focus on every task at hand, pick one, tackle it and move on to the next step.
   Sometimes I feel like a broken record on here. I tell you all the same things over and over again. But these things are what we forget all the time. An issue comes up and all of a sudden we are questioning how we are going to get through it. It doesn't matter whether you are a writer, a banker, an athlete, a fireman or have a mental disease. We will have challenges to face. Some will be more difficult than others and some, you will not even bat an eye at. But they are out there. Are you going to face them or run away? Make a decision and stick with it. It might be the wrong decision, but it is a step in the right direction.
   Again, I apologize to you for not being on here on a regular basis. I try my best and that is all I am going to ask of myself. If you would like more, please don't hesitate to order my cd's online. hahahahaha, just kidding. Anyways, have a great night, good sleep and a great day tomorrow. Take your baby steps!!!