Feb.20/12

Good Evening All,
   Hey. Haven't been here for a day or two. Just wanted to wait to write when I actually had something that I wanted to say and not bore you all to death. I don't have to much to say this evening either but I wanted to give you an "update" on how I am. I have mentioned in this blog numerous times about my beliefs and what I believe in. I am not here to preach to anyone. I just wanted to tell you that whatever it is that you believe in, hold fast and true to those beliefs and don't let them go. As you all know, last year was a very crappy year for me and my family. We went through some very hard times and could very easily have given up and got mad at our God and denounced him if we wanted to. But, we didn't. Why? Because we believe that there is a plan for all of us on this earth. 99.9% of the time, we absolutely cannot see that plan that is laid for us. We go by faith.
   Last year, many many times when I prayed to my God; I asked him to take away this disease that I have. I begged and pleaded for it to go away. At the time, I felt like Job and I couldn't rightfully understand why I was facing the battle that I was. If I had given up in my beliefs or what I felt was a plan that God had intended for me, I might not be here today. If I had commited suicide, well, I definately would not have been here today. Am I reaching anyone with this blog? I don't know. Is anyone actually getting anything out of this? Again, I don't know. But I felt the need to write it; I felt the need to tell you all about my struggles. Was that my God telling me to do that? Who knows. I do know one thing and that is this, I believe that it was in the path that I am to walk in this life.
   As I told you, I have a really great job. I work for a really great company who knows about my anxiety. They have not babied me or held my hand or anything like that. Did I expect at this same time last year that I would be in this position? Absolutely not. We (Krystle and I) can look back at 2011 and see the "path" that we walked to get to this point and time in our lives. I don't claim to understand God's path or desire for our lives, but I know that he has one. Again, whatever you choose to believe in is your business. However you choose to believe in something is your business also. But whatever it is that you believe in, just don't let go.
   Last year, all I could see was trees. Trees all around me. In front, behind and to the side. I was in a "forest" that had no disernable path for me to follow. I felt that I was just ambling along. Now, I am in a helicopter high above that forest and I can clearly see the path that was walked. And when you get right down to it, it wasn't ambling all over the place. I took a distinct path, I just couldn't see it. So make sure that you stay on your path, even if it doesn't make any sense to you at all. Don't deviate from it and in the end it will make all of the sense in the world to you. Just trust in yourself, your significant other, your family, friends whatever. Believe that you can get through those trees and you will. You can see the light, you just cannot figure out how to get to it. You too can win some ground in your battle and live to fight another day.