Feb.3/12

Hello to All,
   What a day I had today! Had to battle through some anxiety to get to work, but we made it through and I accomplished quite a bit. But, man am I tired from that!! Seems how I was still on probation when I was working at the company there last summer, I ended up losing my job because of another medical problem. This one though, had nothing to do with my brain. After Gabriel was born, we decided that I better get snipped. Now, neither of our kids were "accidents", but they both happened so fast and quickly that we figured one of us had better do something or we were going to be Canada's version of the Duggars. If you don't know who the Duggars are, google them. Anyways, a few years ago I was having some really bad pains in the twig and berries region. My doc checked me out and decided that there was a possibilty I had a slight twist in one of the berries. Left side to be exact.
   So last year, I start to get the pains again. These pains are so bad that I am shuffling along and not even walking properly. I am vomiting a bit and in some pretty good pain. I go in for another doctor's appointment and he figures that I need a few days off to get everything back to normal. My boss is cool with this. I have 5 days off and then I am to go to work about 3 or 4 days later. The night before I am going to work, I am in terrible pain and I can barely move in our bed. The next morning I am loading up my truck, very slowly I might add; when I drop to the ground and start throwing up. The bad part of all of this is that you can get a severe twist and lose your berry. The good part? I really can't think of one...lol. Krystle takes me to the ER and they are prepping me for surgery because of this. Until the ultrasound and blood results come back, I am ready for surgery. After all results came back, I didn't need the surgery, I had a terrible infection. From what? Who knows...
   I lost my job because I had to be off for another week and they couldn't have that. Which sucked and was okay also. I wasn't really happy there and my mental status hadn't improved to what it is today. Plus, all the money I was to be making really wasn't that much. I needed to have my own vehicle and almost bought a truck for the job. Thankfully my anxiety was in full tilt that day which prevented me from buying the truck. For once, I was thankful to have an anxiety disorder! So where was I mentally at this point? Well, this was around July or so (again, 2011 was quite a blur for me, memories are hit and miss sometimes) and I was still working on the toolbox, taking the new meds, going to counselling when I could and basically trying to get my head right.
   I applied at a ton of places to get a mud job, but I was unable to thanks to previous employers. Now here is the part that really gets my blood boiling and upsets me. My previous employer and my first employer when all of this started for me, did not give me any sort of good reference. Instead of telling potential employers that we had a "misunderstanding" or "we didn't see eye to eye"; something along those lines, they instead told companies that I was unreliable, didn't know my stuff, was lazy, no work ethic etc. I again have proof of this and could or can show anyone who does not believe me. But I am not here to wage war. I am telling you about the positives and negatives of having a mental disease. This really hurt me deeply, almost unrecoverable for me. I just wanted to run mud and do the job that I was good at and loved. I was being denied employment, for the second time. If you have been here then you understand, if not, you cannot imagine.
   Anyways, I kind of wandered around aimlessly for about 6 weeks. I had a few leads going in the states, but they were very anal about work visa's being given out to non-Americans. What was I going to do? My career in the mud business was essentially over and I had NO idea what I was going to do with my life. I just knew that we had bills to pay and food to put on our table. I started to work at a temp agency just to have something going and some money coming in. I got in real good with a company here in RD that I had been temping with. They wanted me as a full time hand, but I just couldn't see myself in construction for the rest of my life. Besides, the oilfield was in my blood...and it was calling. LOUDLY!