Feb.6/12

Hello Again,
   How is everyone doing this evening? Good I hope. So I ended yesterday by finishing the basics behind my story and how we got to today, Feb.6/12.  I must say that it felt really good to tell you all my story and to not feel ashamed that I have an anxiety disorder. Well, ashamed isn't the right word, maybe just stop hiding the facts. As I said at the very beginning of this blog on my first day, I was really glad that a few NHLers passed away this last summer because of their mental illnesses. For those of you who don't know me really well, I love cheering for the Vancouver Canucks. I live and breathe that team. We all have a team that we cheer for and we all have certain players that we cheer for or really like. One of the guys that I REALLY liked, that I really cheered for was Rick Rypien. He wasn't a big man, but he didn't back down from a fight. He took on some of the biggest guys in the NHL and won many times over. If he didn't win, you at least knew that he was there.
   I always wanted to see him play, I wanted to see him succeed. I didn't know him from a hole in the ground and he didn't know me. The only we have or had in common was having a mental illness. Unfortunately, he was one of the NHLers that passed away last summer. He took his own life. It saddened me a great deal. I knew of his struggles with depression. How did I know this? He wasn't afraid to open up and share that he suffered from depression. He was an NHL star and he had no problems 'coming out of the closet'. He didn't really care a whole lot who knew and who didn't. All the while that he was alive, I thought that it was really great that he did what he did. During that time, another athlete came out and told some of her story. That athlete was Clara Hughes, a Canadian speedskater. I also thought it was great that she was bringing recognition to mental illness.
   After Rypien passed away last summer, it really struck a chord with me and made me think. Here was a guy who was in the spotlight for the right reasons and sometimes for the wrong. But he was out there. I decided that I needed to be out there also. I decided to not give a damn who knew that I had a mental illness, whether they were old classmates, old friends, my family, my co-workers or my bosses. Of course, it did take me a little bit of time to gather up the courage to do this. To all of those just mentioned in the previous sentence, I don't mean any disrespect to you all. I just mean that if you are reading this right now and you think that I am weak, a loser, a fraud, a chicken...whatever it may be?? I just don't give a crap anymore what anyone thinks of me or anyone else having a mental issue. We all suffer from something. Some people get cancer, some fight cold sores, some get athlete's foot, some get diabetes...no one is immune.
   That was the whole point of this blog. I don't care anymore what anyone thinks of all of this. I am not afraid of what anyone thinks anymore. I was for the longest time. I hid my illness from friends, family, my employers and my co-workers. Don't get me wrong, I am not wearing a sign around my neck exclaiming that I have a mental illness, although I think that might be kind of funny! I am not a saint or a super hero. I am just a regular guy with a great wife, loving kids and family trying to get ahead in this world just like you. I just wanted to do this and bring more light to mental illnesses. I just want to be like Rick Rypien and not back down from a fight, this fight.